How to deal with expectations and loss?

Expectations are natural in life but, when they come up, know that by expecting a particular result, you reduce your happiness. I want to share one of my experiences.

I was in Canada in somebody’s house as a guest, and they had a teenage boy. One day I found him with a long face. He was very sad, and upset.

I asked him, ‘What’s the matter?’

He said, ‘I lost a match.’

I asked, ‘To whom did you lose to? Is he your friend?’

He said, ‘Yeah, of course.’ Then I asked him, ‘If your friend wins, you are unhappy, how do you feel if you win and your friend is unhappy?’ He said, ‘Gurudev, I never thought about it like this.’

In sports, or in any competitions in life, either you win or you make someone win. In either case you should be happy. You just put your 100%. When you give your 100%, you accept the result whatever it is. Only when you have put your 100%, can you let go of the result. One shouldn’t let go in the very beginning.

‘Should I give up?’ ‘Should I let go?’ or ‘Should I hold on to it?’; such questions arise in your mind when you still haven’t put your 100%. You still have the energy and the scope of doing it. Do it. If it clicks, well and good, if it doesn’t, then let go. The let-go attitude of a lazy person bears no value. Put your 100% effort. If you fail, you learn. Life appears imperfect on the surface but underneath, all is perfect. Perfection remains hidden under the garb of imperfection. Your ideas of perfection and imperfection are also blurred. Hence, leave room for imperfections. If you don’t accommodate imperfections in your life, you are bound to become irritable. And when you become irritable, your success also becomes a far-fetched dream. So, to have that control on yourself, leave some room for imperfections. This will increase your patience.

Don’t make a list of a lot of things that you want to achieve. Select a few things that really matter. Keep an open mind. Drop all prejudice. New ideas may come at any time to take you towards your goal. Don’t panic if you aren’t succeeding immediately. Have faith that what you need in life, you will get it. By getting frustrated, you will not get what you really deserve.

The pressure on your mind about performance, about perfection, will become an impediment for your creativity, your innovative spirit. So do your best and relax. Meditate for just 20 minutes a day. When your mind is relaxed, your creativity improves.

Regular meditation will also make you more patient. There is a time for everything. When you put your 100% effort and wait for the right time, it happens. Meditation boosts your patience level. Aimless life leads to a sense of loss and depression; hence, goals are needed in life. When you have a goal, ‘I have to do this’, ‘I have to learn this’, or ‘I have to do this seva’, then that aim propels your life in the right direction. When you strive for your goals, you expect success. It is natural. But when you grow in wisdom, you also know that surprises give you more joy. Hence, give your 100%, do whatever you can, and accept the result. And if somebody expects something else, it is their problem, not yours.

(The author is a global humanitarian leader and spiritual master who founded The Art of Living in1981. As Gurudev turns 70 and The Art of Living steps into the 45th year of making life a celebration on this planet, month long celebrations are underway at The Art of Living International Center with eminent personalities from the sphere of politics, entertainment, arts, academia and faith arriving at the center for thoughtful conversations, cultural showcases and launch of several service initiatives.)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

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