Treating elders with respect is the ultimate salutation

Everyone likes to be respected by others, whether by elders, superiors in their profession, peers in age or status, friends, and children. The Hindu tradition teaches that the most important elders, in that order, are one’s mother, father and the Guru.

Being respected aids psychological, security, increases self-esteem, and confidence and spurs personality development, thus creating harmonious and stable relationships, reducing conflicts and endowing one with the ability to navigate social and professional environments effectively.

There are several qualities in a person that commands such respect. Such attributes include integrity, competence in one’s personal and professional life, empathy, a calm and collected personality, being always willing to be accountable for one’s actions and treating others with dignity. Respect is earned more by being humble and reliable, than or on commanding it through force or by virtue of one’s status or rank. Self-respect is a quality without which one can never hope to be respected by others.

The need to treat elders with respect has been hailed as a virtue across religions, cultures and people of different countries of the world. Respect for elders is an attribute deemed as a fundamental duty across all known religions and cultures.

As an illustration of that, we have Lord Rama, in the Hindu epic Ramayana, who showed unswerving devotion to his parents and treated their merest wish as a command. Likewise, in more recent times, Georg Washington, the first President of the United States of America, was noted for his strong advocacy for respect to the elders, and the belief that disrespecting them is a way of self-disrespect.

Architect of the country’s Independence and father of the nation, Mahatma Gandhi was also a strong advocate of the attribute of respect for elders. He too believed that disrespecting teachers or elders was, as a matter of fact, a form of self-disrespect.

There are many ways of showing respect to elders, which is a near-universal value, often rooted in religious and cultural traditions that view older generations as holders of wisdom, tradition, and blessings. They vary from physical gestures to service-oriented actions, such as paying attention to what is being said, offering to help in daily chores, such as cooking meals or negotiating the social media. Elders are also happy when greeted warmly and addressed with respectful titles, and when their feelings such as an uncertain memory are treated with consideration and understanding. Asking them about family history, traditions, and their heritage, visiting them, sharing meals, or simply calling them regularly are the other ways by which one can make sure that they feel included. It is also important to value their contribution in daily lives, rather than making them feel marginalised.

In addition, respect for elders can be demonstrated by various physical gestures and greetings. In Hinduism, for instance, and especially in India, Charan Sparsh (younger individuals touching the feet of elders to seek blessings) is a widely practised tradition representing and transferring of positive energy.

A similar custom prevails in East Asian countries where Buddhism is popular, which comprises a slight bow, or a respectful gesture of prostrating oneself at the feet of the elders. Those are well-known methods of showing respect and acknowledging the wisdom of elders.

Likewise, in Muslims, especially in the Southeast Asian countries, ‘Salaam’ or taking an elder’s hand and placing it against one’s forehead or nose symbolises seeking blessings, while showing respect and love.

In almost all religions and cultures, rising in the presence of elders and using polite language and treating the elderly with honour, is on par with one’s parents. Showing such respect also is a symbol of collective family harmony being prioritised over the needs of individuals.

An interesting aspect of the feet touching gesture, as a measure of seeking the blessings of elders, is that in the northern parts of India, the act is performed with the right hand while, in the Southern states, both hands are used. Although traditional scriptures suggest that using both hands, with the right hand touching the right foot and the left hand the left foot, the single right-hand method is the widely accepted option. Since the right hand is considered auspicious as it is used for respectful acts, while the left is reserved for daily chores; also, as the right side of the body is viewed as the one better suited for receiving the energy transferred from the elders whose blessings are being sought.

Consideration for the needs of elders is another form of showing respect for them. Offering them a seat in a train or a bus or assisting them in crossing the road are common examples.

The attribute of being considerate, respectful and polite, is not merely a sign of a sound upbringing and good character, but, also, insurance for the future. After all, it should not be forgotten as the quote goes,

“Respect the old when you are young,

Help the weak when you are strong.

Confess your fault when you are wrong,

Because one day you will be old, weak and wrong”

It is the custom in Hindu marriages for the bride and bride groom to do Charan Sparsh for seeking the blessings of the elders present for the occasion. Quite naturally, Usha, my better half, and I, had done the same after the completion of the religious formalities in our wedding.

We were blessed by the presence of many elders, whose blessings, no doubt, were most valuable. However, by the time we completed the ritual, both of us were left wondering whether it would not have been much less tedious and tiresome if, instead, we had just stayed frozen in the act of seeking blessings, in that feet touching pose, with the elders filing past us, one by one!

(The writer was formerly Chief Secretary, Government of Andhra Pradesh)